Suffering Continued
I have been alone in my life for the past 3 years due to choices in life. I fell in love post marriage and decided to run with it. You will get more details from my previous posts.
So, I got used to crushing loneliness. I took it as punishment for my rash decisions in life and acting without thinking of consequences. But fate wasn't quite done with me. Loneliness wasn't punishment enough. I got sore shoulders on both my shoulders due to some heavy lifting I have been doing in the gym. I ignored it at first. Then when it became impossible to continue the gym, I stopped the gym and consulted a doctor. The doctor diagnosed it to be a shoulder impingement, a common ailment.
He prescribed some medicines and suggested rest. The impingements turned to frozen shoulders in no time. I ended up suffering pain on both shoulders and reduced range of movement on both shoulders. No sleep. Constant pain. Can't take both my shoulders upward, backwards and sideways. I couldn't even wear a shirt.
TCS gave me my insurance information to pursue private hospital treatment in the UK. I started with Physiotherapy. As it didn't bring any improvement, they sent me to an Orthopaedist. He had suggested doing a procedure called Flouro Arthrogram. They will insert a needle into my shoulder joint (under X-Ray guidance) and inject steroids, Anastasia and some fluid to make space in the cavity. This procedure was performed on both my shoulders. And continued Physiotherapy. Still didn't cure the problem. I am still in pain and can't even wear a shirt. Can't lift any weights higher than 5 kgs. When I asked what could have caused this condition, the response was... "Frozen shoulders on both shoulders is extremely rare. You are not diabetic. All I could think about is.. You are extremely unlucky". That explains why the Chennai girl said NO. Just kidding. She must have her reasons.
I have been suffering from these ailments for the past 6 months. Yeah, health care in the UK is extremely slow and ineffective. Can't even imagine what will happen if an infectious disease like Dengue Fever reaches the UK.
This makes me think of my choices in life. Who do I have left? Even in India, I will need to suffer this alone. My wife hasn't spoken to me in 3 years, even when I go there for visiting my son. She will be happy that I have this condition. My dad, who can't take care of himself due to his cancer treatment and chemotherapies. No help there. My sister has her own problems. She is differently-abled herself and has 2 kids. Last, but not the least, the Chennai girl. She wouldn't even pick my calls. I don't think she will care even if she comes to know that I have died. So little incapacitation won't make the cut.
This is when she asks me to wait 5 years until her problems are over. I can't wear a shirt myself. She is asking me to endure that for 5 more years and then she will come and take care of me? What a joke. I didn't think about this when she messaged. I was overjoyed that she did message. When the dust settled, things become clear to me. How am I supposed to wait 5 years for her in this condition? Problems never end. If you wait to live after all your problems are solved, you will die waiting. When one problem ends, the next one will start. A delicate balance is life. A friend in need... She is more than a friend.
Even if I had told her about the condition, she would ask me to marry someone else and move on, anyway. She will have me marry someone and gone forever than talking to her parents about her feelings. God, that girl hates conflict. She will do anything for not being in one. But her life is full of conflicts. LOL. Me and her, her and her parents, her and her husband (she is living separately, there must have been some awkwardness). I wonder how she is escaping from all those. She escapes the conflict between me and her by blocking me. That is so funny.
I escaped conflicts my whole life too. Not anymore. I would rather rule the Hell than serve in Heaven. Dear Rajayogam, I am waiting for you to kick in anytime.
That brings me to the next best thing. I need to remarry for my own sake from a poor family, with a girl who is willing to merge both of our problems. With proper care, I will recover faster and I will be back to my normal self in a year or two. This is the reason I have decided not to extend my visa and return to India a month earlier than my visa end date. The current travel plan is for December 15th, 2019. I will travel to my hometown and get some treatment there. Then return to Chennai after Christmas.
So, I got used to crushing loneliness. I took it as punishment for my rash decisions in life and acting without thinking of consequences. But fate wasn't quite done with me. Loneliness wasn't punishment enough. I got sore shoulders on both my shoulders due to some heavy lifting I have been doing in the gym. I ignored it at first. Then when it became impossible to continue the gym, I stopped the gym and consulted a doctor. The doctor diagnosed it to be a shoulder impingement, a common ailment.
He prescribed some medicines and suggested rest. The impingements turned to frozen shoulders in no time. I ended up suffering pain on both shoulders and reduced range of movement on both shoulders. No sleep. Constant pain. Can't take both my shoulders upward, backwards and sideways. I couldn't even wear a shirt.
TCS gave me my insurance information to pursue private hospital treatment in the UK. I started with Physiotherapy. As it didn't bring any improvement, they sent me to an Orthopaedist. He had suggested doing a procedure called Flouro Arthrogram. They will insert a needle into my shoulder joint (under X-Ray guidance) and inject steroids, Anastasia and some fluid to make space in the cavity. This procedure was performed on both my shoulders. And continued Physiotherapy. Still didn't cure the problem. I am still in pain and can't even wear a shirt. Can't lift any weights higher than 5 kgs. When I asked what could have caused this condition, the response was... "Frozen shoulders on both shoulders is extremely rare. You are not diabetic. All I could think about is.. You are extremely unlucky". That explains why the Chennai girl said NO. Just kidding. She must have her reasons.
I have been suffering from these ailments for the past 6 months. Yeah, health care in the UK is extremely slow and ineffective. Can't even imagine what will happen if an infectious disease like Dengue Fever reaches the UK.
This makes me think of my choices in life. Who do I have left? Even in India, I will need to suffer this alone. My wife hasn't spoken to me in 3 years, even when I go there for visiting my son. She will be happy that I have this condition. My dad, who can't take care of himself due to his cancer treatment and chemotherapies. No help there. My sister has her own problems. She is differently-abled herself and has 2 kids. Last, but not the least, the Chennai girl. She wouldn't even pick my calls. I don't think she will care even if she comes to know that I have died. So little incapacitation won't make the cut.
This is when she asks me to wait 5 years until her problems are over. I can't wear a shirt myself. She is asking me to endure that for 5 more years and then she will come and take care of me? What a joke. I didn't think about this when she messaged. I was overjoyed that she did message. When the dust settled, things become clear to me. How am I supposed to wait 5 years for her in this condition? Problems never end. If you wait to live after all your problems are solved, you will die waiting. When one problem ends, the next one will start. A delicate balance is life. A friend in need... She is more than a friend.
Even if I had told her about the condition, she would ask me to marry someone else and move on, anyway. She will have me marry someone and gone forever than talking to her parents about her feelings. God, that girl hates conflict. She will do anything for not being in one. But her life is full of conflicts. LOL. Me and her, her and her parents, her and her husband (she is living separately, there must have been some awkwardness). I wonder how she is escaping from all those. She escapes the conflict between me and her by blocking me. That is so funny.
I escaped conflicts my whole life too. Not anymore. I would rather rule the Hell than serve in Heaven. Dear Rajayogam, I am waiting for you to kick in anytime.
That brings me to the next best thing. I need to remarry for my own sake from a poor family, with a girl who is willing to merge both of our problems. With proper care, I will recover faster and I will be back to my normal self in a year or two. This is the reason I have decided not to extend my visa and return to India a month earlier than my visa end date. The current travel plan is for December 15th, 2019. I will travel to my hometown and get some treatment there. Then return to Chennai after Christmas.
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